By Gary Lim
Scientists at the Riesling Insitute for Research made a ground-breaking discovery yesterday by providing definite, undeniable, infallable proof that a kind and loving God does not, in fact, exist. Their research goes to show that any sort of universally benevolent force, not only God but angels, mother nature, or the spirits of one’s ancestors, could not exist within what is currently known to comprise the universe. The scientists go on to say that the general population will take the knowledge well that they are existing on motes of dust floating around tiny specks of light the vast unfeeling emptiness of space, until their souless carbon forms succumb to the decay of time.
—Dawson Richardson
