By: Heidi Kwok, Dating Specialist
Hello lovebirds. First, let me congratulate you on finally scoring yourself a date — and just in time for Valentine’s Day too! Go ahead, give yourself a pat on the back. You’ve almost graduated from the singles club. Looking to make this change permanent? As The Peak’s resident dating specialist, here are my top recommendations for some first date locations on campus to impress your baddie. You’re welcome.
Your date’s academic advisor’s office
How do you know your date isn’t a creepy weirdo or a serial killer with skeletons buried in their backyard? This first date spot idea is for the chronic overthinkers. Step one: book a meeting with your date’s academic advisor. Step two: meet up at their office and don’t tell them the location beforehand. Call it a surprise so they won’t bail out.
Sure, SFU advisors have a reputation for being notoriously useless when it comes to enrolling you in mandatory courses, but they’re also frighteningly good at judging someone’s character. Think of them as part-time matchmakers. Oh, and your date’s academic record? That’s their new rap sheet.
Does your date have an A+ in an elective like LING 401: The Semantics of Advanced Compliments? Green flag. This person clearly knows how to flirt at an academic level. A B+ in CA 315: Methods in Clownology? Also a green flag. It shows they’re goofy at heart and won’t take themselves too seriously.
Picture this: A romantic wildlife watching tour at sunrise complete with glasses of underpriced wine and a massive charcuterie spread. You and your date are snuggled up on a picnic blanket. Binoculars in hand, you wait in anticipation to witness SFU’s most spectacular wildlife flock to their daily roosting spots — a magical sight akin to the Serengeti wildebeest migration.
There! You spot the first sign of movement and excitedly yell out to your date. A silver beast pulls up in a huff of toxic smoke, screeching to a halt with a growl — ah yes, you’ve just made a rare sighting of the highly endangered Toyota MR2.
Approximately 5 minutes past dawn, more begin gradually circling the lot, looking to stake their claims in the highly coveted North Parking Lot breeding ground. Do watch out for the sub-breed of carnivorous white electric vehicles, however, as they display highly aggressive and territorial behaviour. African safaris or local whale watching boat tours in this economy? Nope. Folks, this represents the next best alternative! See! What a lovely date idea.
AQ Level 0
Maybe you’re more partial to clubbing and early morning hangovers. Well, I know just the perfect spot for y’all. Be warned, though. Finding this place is more difficult than tracking down the wardrobe to Narnia. Here’s what you need to do: Buy a box of 20 assorted Timbits. Pinpoint the security guard who prowls the third floor of the AQ — it’s the one with the permanent scowl — you’ll know them when you see them. Bribe them with the Timbits in exchange for the security code. Make your way to the elevator on the AQ’s southern side and take it down to Level 0. You’ll find yourself in a sketchy maintenance tunnel. Don’t worry, that’s just an elaborate front to keep out the nosy people. Take a left and key in the security code to unlock a set of bunker-like doors. Bingo — you’ve just discovered the location for Burnaby’s trendiest and most exclusive disco nightclub (or most elusive place to get your freak on)!
