By: Gene Cole
At last, we have reached the start of the summer semester. The wave of new obnoxious students has declined, the sun is out to blind us all, and the city becomes energized as children and teens are released into the streets to run wild. With a different world outside, it’s easy to see opportunities to try to become the better person you falsely believe is inside you. To save you time, we would like to provide suggestions of things you likely need to improve about yourself, and warn you of how you’ll inevitably fail to improve them.
Music
You’ve spent the last several months ignoring your Spotify weekly recommended playlist, sticking to your old typical soundtrack that you’ve been re-downloading to every phone since grade 12. It’s given you comfort through midnight tantrums, long transit rides, and seemingly-endless study sessions. It’s time, at last, to make a playlist to show off how much you’ve changed, filled with recommendations from friends, and apps that you’ve put off for too long.
What you don’t count on is encountering the cool single you found in a movie trailer or car commercial right after you make your summer setlist. You’ll think of it initially as “just another track,” but due to its roots, the song will blend with your desire to purchase a sedan or watch your favourite actors kiss. Without realizing, the “repeat” button will remain on for your entire hour-long commute, and the song will be echoing in your brain once the earbuds are removed. Eventually, you’ll add it to your normal queue, realizing that your musical soul is uncomfortably strict and unwelcoming to change.
Fashion
The intense heat and lack of quality air conditioning has allowed you to shed the thick coats and sweaters of the winter months. No longer must you wear several layers to protect your frail body from the snow, rain, and inevitable depression that ensues throughout the fall and spring semesters. It’s time to be brave, reveal your true face, show off your body with lighter and tighter clothing, and unleash the colours that express your soul.
Then, after going through your dresser, you’ll find quickly that your winter shell of dense fabric was your true skin all along. The few summer things you own were bought during Fall sales, no longer fitting and bought based on price more than looks. You’ll then feel a need to endlessly spend money on smaller-yet-equally-expensive clothing to fill that void, but you’ll only be able to buy a single nice top in order to ensure money for food. This top will collect dust just like the others, as you return to blissful ignorance of your terrible eye for fashion.
Fitness
Lastly, you may likely feel a skulking ambition to finally use your SFU Fitness Center membership that you paid for and have forgotten to utilize for the past two years. You can even wear the nice tight workout clothes that have collected dust, as they have remained untouched and mint condition in your old backpack for several months.
However, the moment you leave the house, thinking how nice it is and how you can now spend an early morning working on your health, you’ll grow tired and sweaty simply walking to the bus stop. As it turns out, enough dense sunlight will deceive you into thinking you had walked several miles and are already in shape enough that you don’t need to worry about it. You’ll instead spend the morning browsing Instagram and reheating your leftover pizza, with a pleasant (and unearned) sense of satisfaction.
