By: Ahmed Ali

Last week, Electronic Arts (EA) CEO Andrew Wilson spoke with shareholders about EA’s influence for the way they’ve been monetizing their games recently.

Wilson stated “You see, we looked for the businesses that ripped off their customers in the most greedy and unethical ways possible, and we also looked for those that were the most upfront and proud to give the consumer such little value for their purchases. After looking at multiples parasites such as the insurance industry and the music industry, we saw that universities were actually the perfect large scale implementation of omnipresent microtransactions and Day-One DLC.”

Wilson continued on about the inspiration EA got from SFU and other universities: “Based on their actions, we are now adding parking passes for your hover cars in Anthem (delayed to 2019) for $50 a month. Additionally, you can print out duplicates of your cards in FIFA 18 Ultimate Team for an additional $0.20 per card ($0.40 if you want to keep all the stats).”

Now, EA’s Day-One DLC and the like are based on how universities will sell you courses but then make you buy textbooks and the like for $1,000s. On this topic, Moore said “The university method is genius. They have made everything into a microtransaction paywall.”

In EA’s opinion, the best part is how they will also make their customers — who they’ve lovingly dubbed as “Student Application Profits” or “SAP” — work through a ton of filler content that often has nothing to do with the game they purchased, just as WQB requirements have nothing to do with the majors students pay for.

So in the end, when the SAPs are done, they have made EA billions and EA has provided the SAP with a sense of pride and accomplishment for unlocking different heroes — the same way diplomas give university students a sense of accomplishment despite the actual lack of worth in one.

Here are some Tweets from people who have responded to the story:

In response to all of this, there are rumours that SFU and EA intend to start a partnership in hopes of achieving their common goal to scam the entire world.