Woohoo: Being a bachelor

Being single in university, it’s hard not to feel a little lonely sometimes — especially with that couple in front of you sucking face during lecture. But before you chuck that watered-down Starbucks latte at their heads, just stop and think about all the great things there are about being single.

For example, there is actual cash in your wallet. And that new Nicholas Sparks movie? You’re not being dragged to go see it. You can put the toilet seat up with no fear of repercussions. You, sir, are a bachelor! And that means you get to pick the movie tonight. And it’s Die Hard, so yippee-kay-yay.

Throw on your comfy clothes, leave your hair as it is, and cherish these moments of freedom. They may not last forever, you sexy thing.

Boohoo: The Bachelor

Ahh, nothing in the world screams romantic like a 25-woman battle royale for a hand in marriage. Yes, it’s ABC’s The Bachelor, where we are introduced to a handsome, rich man who can’t seem to find a girlfriend.

For the last 13 years, this pimple on the ass of reality television has endured and perpetuated its unrealistic relationship standards the world over. Brought to us by the producer of Hostel and the Texas Chainsaw Massacre, it’s any wonder this hour-long program is a horror. This show does not deserve a rose, but rather a poison apple so it can be put to rest for good.