Have you ever taken unreliable transit to campus on a day you didn’t have classes in hopes of having a productive study session — only to walk around aimlessly for thirty minutes? YA, ME TOO!!! Most of the people using the campus’ spaces don’t even go here! She doesn’t even go here!
To the parents with children sitting in our study spots, I totally get that you want to expose your kids to education at an early age but don’t you think three years old is a little too early? Your kid does not give a single fuck that you’ve brought them to this institution of higher learning, because guess what? They’re too enamoured by the LOUD and annoying ass choo-choo train you bought him.
Same goes for students from other schools, because even though SFU students are flattered that you’re trekking to any of our three campuses to study . . . you don’t pay a nickel of tuition here. We totally feel bad for your lousy study spaces, but go to a Starbucks or something instead.
Well, since we’ve established that all the good spaces are taken up by leeches, where are you to go? Allow me to share a list of study spaces for when you’re feeling extra desperate.
- The avocado
OK, I know you’re probably already disgusted by this suggestion, but hear me out. It’s currently too rainy for anyone to bother having sex in it because they’ll probably catch hypothermia or at least end up bedridden with the flu. Obviously don’t study in it when it’s wet, but on a rare sunny day, it’s semi-decent. There’s a smooth rounded groove for your butt to rest in, and a mirror to occasionally check yourself out in — and you can be sure no one will bother you.
- Your one night stand’s dorm room
You met this attractive person in class who’s down for an evening of Netflix and chill. You go back to their dorm room and have sex so quiet it could end up in the Guinness Book of World Records. Halfway through the night, you suddenly remember a quiz you have in the morning. To avoid bumping into the strange people who roam the halls at four in the morning, you can just study at this person’s desk. It’s spacious and cozy, and the chances of them waking up is slim.
- Inside the Dollarama at Harbour Centre
Usually the little kids and post-secondary leeches avoid the downtown campus. If the unthinkable does happen, though, head downstairs to the mall. Make a beeline for the Dollarama. Don’t even think about studying at the food court unless you have an inexplicable interest for prison, because you will end up killing someone. The Dollarama is pretty quiet so you might actually get some work done. The aisles are spacious enough for sprawling out, annnnnd you can eat knockoff Bounty bars for 82 cents. What could be better?
- In the single-person bathrooms
If you can brave the stench in the single-person bathrooms, then it’s the perfect place to study. Lock the door, flush the toilet, and turn on the tap every once in awhile, and you’re set! You can one hundred per cent crank out a paper in there with no one knocking on the door. Just remember, wash your hands thoroughly before you leave. Ain’t nobody wants to be catch rare skin diseases.
