VANCOUVER — Scientists were shocked this week when a chimpanzee with remarkable intellect carried out an entire conversation in sign language in which he argued strongly in opposition of the Darwinian theory of evolution.
Jojo, an 8-year old chimp born and raised at the Greater Vancouver Zoo, has been working with a team of researchers for his entire life and is reportedly incredibly advanced for his species.
“He’s so smart, I sometimes forget he’s not just a really ugly, hairy human,” laughed Dr. Jean Wiseman, a biologist who’s been studying Jojo since he was born. “We’ve never seen an ape pick up language this quickly before. It’s incredible.”
According to Wiseman, only a few years ago Jojo could hardly sign at all but in recent months he has become quite fluent, not to mention very opinionated.
“For a long time he would just imitate us, you know like a child would,” Wiseman said. “Now he’s expressing full ideas, it’s remarkable . . . I don’t know where he picked up the idea that earth is only 6,000 years old though.”
“He mostly just asks us ‘if evolution really exists, why am I still here,’ that kind of thing.”
– Dr. Jean Wiseman
While Wiseman is thrilled by the chimp’s progress which she was planning to include as part of her ongoing research into the evolutionary connection between apes and humans, she’s found Jojo’s signs to be a little discouraging.
“He mostly just quotes Genesis and asks us about how ‘if evolution really exists, why am I still here,’ that kind of stuff,” Wiseman explained. “At first, I thought I could easily convince him evolution was real but the more we went back and forth, I started to get doubts myself.”
The Peak briefly sat down with Jojo who signed that he just “could not honestly believe that we had descended from him and that in his mind God created the universe and mankind and ape-kind, and that was that.”
While researchers like Wiseman are conflicted by the Jojo situation, others, like Pope Francis, have been nothing but delighted by the news.
“It’s great to finally see a creature who has enough sense to understand how life works,” Francis said in a press release concerning Jojo. “This chimp is a good Christian animal, very devout, very smart. You know, he reminds me a lot of myself actually. Wait, ignore that last part.”
Although Jojo remains in the care of scientists, he has used his signing skills to request returning full time to the wild where he hopes he can spread his newfound knowledge to his fellow apes.
He hopes that someday all apes will be able to communicate through signlanguage. Then he hopes they’ll all be able to speak and walk full-time on their hind legs and start wearing clothing and lose their annoying unopposable thumbs. But, most importantly he hopes to spread the good word of Jesus Christ and the theory of creationism.
“For a long time he would just imitate us, you know like a child would,”
Obviously this ape is influenced by the opinions of those around him.
The man that has been TEACHING this chimp is a Christian.
““It’s great to finally see a creature who has enough sense to understand how life works,” Francis said in a press release concerning Jojo. “This chimp is a good Christian animal, very devout, very smart. You know, he reminds me a lot of myself actually.”
a shame, that a chimp with such smarts has been taught only one side.
Waste of intelligence– sounds like “Francis” is just eager to get this to the media since he successfully brainwashed an animal.
Sign language; yes very neat, progress is excellent.
But when we abuse something excellent, it no longer becomes progress. Animals are supposed to be smarter than humans, so when we taint them with silly ideas and opinions that we’re subjected to– it’s like taking a step back rather than forward.
If an animal is so smart to learn sign language and be able to communicate with humans– we should be letting them tell us whatever they want! not plant ideas and whatnot into their heads so that their original smarts become forgotten. That goes for all sides of things. I’m sure animals have entirely different knowledge than us, just disappointing to see someone see this as an oppurtunity to expose Christianity rather than learn new perspectives !
The sentence “But, most importantly he hopes to spread the good word of Jesus Christ and the theory of creationism.” is most disturbing to me, because the influences of his trainer’s beliefs shoved on this chimp is painfully obvious–
I just don’t understand where the “convincing argument” in this article is. A chimpanzee repeats a bunch of words that a man abuses his training abilities to push beliefs and Christianity for media related reasons? So compelling. I’m devoting myself to christianity as we speak!!!!
Cass: this article is in the humour section….
Creationism is not a scientific theory by any evaluation. Neither accredited university science depats, peer reviewed science journals, credible science organizations, most mainstream Christian church national councils, the US Supreme and Federal Courts, even the Vatican(“creationism is neither science or religion”), recognize creationism as anything but what it is, bad pseudoscientific fundamentalism dressed up in a lab coat. Any wacko on this site claiming other wise is either mentally ill, stupid, a con man, or a religious wierdo. Doesn’t matter much either way. Adios boys and girls.
Again, this article is in the humour section. Satire.