SASSY DRAG NAMES FOR YOUR SASSY SELF

March 29, 2018

By: Janis McMath, Rosie Grayson, Gabrielle McLaren, Alex Bloom

If drag culture hasn’t already consumed your soul, your sanity, and all your free time, consider hopping onto the glamorous bandwagon now. Drag is art meshed with blurring gender lines and has a community filled with beauty and inclusivity that you should become a part of ASAP. Even if you aren’t a queen in this life, you may be in your next — so you should start planning your drag name NOW. Here are a few ridiculous drag name suggestions we, The United Committee of Kinda Experts in Drag (T.U.C.K.E.D.), have brainstormed for you.

Gloria Hole

For the queen who is a sweet suburban mom in the streets and an anonymous penis expert in the stalls of truck stops. With a name like this, you’d literally be gagging!

Drag queens in The House Of Hole

Tess Tickles
For the queen that keeps getting stuck to your leg in the summer.

Anna Conda
For the queen who don’t want none unless you got buns, hun.

Chloe Mydia
For the queen that is most common among women 15 to 24 years old.

Cleo Torres
For the queen who is impossible to find.

Missy Onary Style
For the vanilla queen.

Tess-Toss Der’on
For the queen that knows all about regulating the male sex.

Estrogennifer
For the queen that knows all about regulating the female sex.

Sarah Vix
For the queen who provides the passage that literally gives us life, hunty.

Mistress O’Vary
For the queen who likes to cause pain.

Gina Cologist
For the queen that cares about the health of boobs.

“Insert Dick Joke”
For the meta queen.

Ashtray Simpson

For the queen who smells just as bad as you thought she would. We’re pretty sure this is Ashlee Simpson’s legal birth name, but now that she isn’t famous and isn’t married to Pete Wentz, you can rip off her name without a problem.

Drag queens in The House of Dumb Celebrity Name Puns

Yoko Oh NO Honey
For the queen who broke the band up.

Clit Eastwood
For the queen who can’t remember if she rubbed it out six times or only five.

Petty Labelle
For the queen who serves pies pies pies — and shade.

Scarlett Johannesburg
For the queen who is South Africa’s biggest city.

50 Scents
For the queen who you can find in da club, bottle full of essential oils.

Ringo Brownstarr
For the queen who is the drummer in the back.

Samuel Jackoff
For the queen who is tired of all these snakes on this motherfucking plane — but isn’t tired of charming his snake.

Vladmir Put-in My Ass
For the queen who meddled with the United States 2018 presidential erection.

Rude Paul
For the queen who unjustly excludes trans people from the community of drag.

Gal GaDon’t Come For Me
For the queen who suggests that you check your lipstick and your indestructible bracelets before you come for her.

Elijah Morning Wood
For the queen that finds that taking the ring to mordor is easier than peeing.

Robert Going Down On You Jr.
For the queen that knows how to make a man hard as iron.

Mariah I Don’t Care-y
For the queen that has only one thing she needs this Christmas: for you to understand how few fucks she gives.

Miss Direction

For the queen that doesn’t know where the fuck she’s going, how the fuck she’s going to get there, and what the fuck she’s going to do with her useless degree.

Drag queens in The House Of Unrelated Names

Nora Man Nora Woman
For the queen who’s aesthetic is the idea that gender is a construct.

Masculina Fragila
For the queen that has to aggressively state “no homo bro” to disguise the fact that he’s actually extremely curious about what it would be like to suck a dick.

Helen is Troy
For the queen that is the most beautiful woman AND man that ever lived.

Nefertitties
For the queen that wants to start a religious revolution with her holy bust.

Shay D.
For the queen who is full of insults.