BC Premier expresses regret over spending adult life fulfilling a 12-year-old’s challenge.
By Brad McLeod
BURNABY—BC Liberal Party leader, Christy Clark, made a startling admission this past weekend during a campaign stop by revealing that her over 20-year political career has just been the result of a dare placed on her by a child.
The news comes less than a week after it was revealed in a Vancouver Sun profile piece that Clark had been coaxed into running a red light by her 12-year-old son, Hamish, a known scoundrel.
“I know I shouldn’t have done it, it was a horrible, horrible mistake” Clark said of her career as a politician, “I don’t know what I was thinking, I don’t even have the slightest interest in government… but I couldn’t let that goddamn kid get the better of me.”
Clark explained that up until her twenties, her life goal was to simply to go out, travel the world and pretend to go to universities, but she was suddenly launched into a life of politics after being confronted by a 12-year-old boy.
“I remember I was just minding my own business, hanging out as usual at the Diner Cafe chatting with my perfectly diverse group of friends of all ages, races and target demographics, when this kid came up and double-dog dared me to become premier of BC,” explained Clark “Well at first I just ignored him, but after he said it a second time I had no choice but to dedicate my life to provincial politics.”
Although Clark had little interest in actually being premier, she slowly worked up the political ladder beginning by briefly winning a scandalous SFSS election at Simon Fraser University before eventually becoming a scandalous member of Gordon Campbell’s Liberal government and then replacing him as premier after his many scandals, all just to stick it to some kid.
According to those in Clark’s inner circle though, the incumbent premier is now at a loss at what to do next having now proven that kid wrong, and the only way her party has been able to have her continue on in this election is by taunting her with a series of escalating dares.
“We started out with small stuff, like getting her to wear silly glasses during press conferences and having her work in the words ‘growing our economy’ into every single question she answers,” explained a member of Clark’s cabinet who preferred to remain anonymous “But for the last week of the campaign we have some really outrageous dares planned, I can’t really talk about them but believe me she’s going to being saying some really crazy shit, it’ll be even more ridiculous than the time we dared her to convince people that Family Day was a real thing!”
Although Clark’s revelation has sparked many to believe that her main opponent in the election, Adrian Dix, is also just fulfilling a dare, according to inside sources he is absolutely genuine in his political career, or at least that’s how he was programmed to be.
In her closing remarks to reporters Clark once again revealed that she wasn’t a perfect parent, or a perfect person but that she was trying really hard, she was then interrupted by an audience member who dared her to jump over 14 garbage cans on her motorcycle. The stunt is expected to take place this Saturday outside of the Victoria parliament building.
