by Juztin Bello, Copy Editor
As a gay man I’ve always been fascinated by bromances — even just considering how bromance is a combination of “bro” and “romance” triggers something in me.
Bromances have shown prevalence in various media forms, including television, celebrity culture, sports, social media, studies on masculinity, and so on. In all cases where bromances are emphasized, a recurring narrative sees the celebration of men finally dismantling the negative perceptions around male affection that once saw men ashamed to be physically/emotionally close to one another.
In accordance with this, reports on how masculinity has been redefined emphasize how men are now expressing their emotions to one another and becoming comfortable touching one another. And what’s interesting to consider is who is at the forefront of these discussions: men, yes, but specifically, heterosexual men.
On one hand, the opposition of conventional perceptions of masculinity and the deconstruction of toxic masculinity is a step in the right direction for re-evaluating masculinity. However, what is often left out of the dialogue that paints the relationship between bromances and male affection as progressive is the continual criminalization, manipulation, and scrutiny of homosexuality.
At a time where gay men are continually discriminated against, conversion therapy is still legal in much of the world, and homosexuality is criminalized, media culture places a spotlight on straight men who play into the bromance narrative and content creators who use male intimacy and gay culture as a source of entertainment.
Trends, such as the “Is kissing the homies gay” videos that circulate TikTok, use the narrative around male intimacy for comedic purposes, and public personalities who queerbait (use querness as a marketing ploy) or make “dismantling toxic masculinity”-like posts merely trivialize the real conversations surrounding queerness, while revealing the privilege straight men have in choosing to use male affection for personal gain — personal gain being defined here as publicity, income, etc. Additional examples include straight people coming out as a joke and appearing on gay-centric dating apps. And yet gay men are still not guaranteed the same amount of positive attention, freedom, and praise that straight men receive despite forefronting much of the scrutiny towards feminine men and men being affectionate with one another.
Now I know what you might be thinking: isn’t men showing intimacy with other men a step in the right direction? Shouldn’t we be normalizing men being comfortable with one another/themselves in intimate ways? To these questions I say a tentative yes. Of course in some aspects, we can appreciate that (straight) men are displaying a closeness to one another that has often been discouraged due to ever-apparent toxic masculinity; toxic masculinity defined as an adherence to men being emotionless, violent, and non-feminine.
The fact that men are becoming comfortable enough to be affectionate with one another is definitely something — it’s just not exactly something that is treated the same as the public display of gayness. So yes, there are aspects of men being affectionate that does combat stereotypes of toxic masculinity and work towards normalizing male bonding and femininity, but in order to celebrate these things we must first begin treating gay men who seek male affection in a way that is not disrespectful or minimizing. This dialogue on male intimacy must include all males, not just the ones who are convenient for the conversation.
The reason I speak so openly on this is due to having first-hand experiences as a gay man who has been harassed for showing intimacy with another boy. Whether this be holding hands, kissing, or even resting a head on a shoulder (AKA all things bromances make light of), I have faced discrimination through hateful name-calling and judgemental looks from people for doing the very thing conventionally attractive straight white men are being lauded for. While of course, I’ll give the benefit of the doubt that most men who engage in this behaviour do not have ill-intentions; rather they are misguided in thinking that by dipping their toe in the vast ocean of minority oppression, they’re throwing life preservers to the countless minorities drowning — as if they’ve ever experienced drowning before.
And often times it’s not even straight men themselves pushing the narrative that they’re dismantling toxic masculinity — it’s society rewarding “heroic” strides to people who could already run and gravitating toward male intimacy when it’s “digestible” — meaning it’s presented in a way that can be decompressed or still perceived as conventionally heterosexual. It may be fun for straight men to engage in hand holding and “kissing the homies” as a source of entertainment, but what needs to be taught and instilled in society’s mind is that we cannot acknowledge/converse about/celebrate male intimacy without first deconstructing homophobia towards gay men.
The issue doesn’t begin or end with straight men normalizing physical intimacy: it involves rethinking our frameworks of equality which requires placing society’s perception on gayness on a pedestal alongside straight men; it requires the normalization and acceptance of gay couples holding hands and kissing without feeling the need to gauge their surroundings first; and it demands straight men not using femininity and queerness as a means for entertainment and attention grabbing, in a way that belittles the struggles gay men face day to day.
