Best and worst albums to have sex to

By: Danielle Davie and Hannah Davis

Best album to have sex to:

Built on Glass by Nick Murphy (formerly Chet Faker)

Nick Murphy’s voice is so smooth, all you need to do is “Release Your Problems” as he put it, and enjoy. Murphy reminds you that “Talk is Cheap” and that actions speak louder than words, especially with your partner. The mellow beats and layers of harmonies are perfect to set the mood, with simplistic instrumentals that leave space for you to add your own sounds. The first six tracks on the album are soulful and sultry, perfect for love-making with that special someone.

     The second half of the album comes as a perfect change of pace, with more upbeat tracks. In “Blush,” a song about lust and power, Murphy’s vocals are accompanied by a lower-pitch version as well. Definitely not as sexy, but still intriguing. After a long, steady instrumental, he gets back into the groove of things. Side B offers less structure, and leaves room for experimentation and improvisation . . .  – DD

Bon Iver by Bon Iver

This album explores the themes of self discovery, relationships, and love. The artist’s lyrics are so sincerely poetic and beautifully abstract that the music can wash over you and your partner without drawing unnecessary attention to itself. The opening two tracks are energetic and dynamic. These songs feature ever-building climaxes and a rich array of instruments, from guitars, to trumpets, to saxophones. Onward from “Holocene” (the third track), the tone of the album shifts slightly, diving into soothing tracks that ebb and flow like waves. The album appropriately concludes with “Beth/Rest,” a perfectly calming bookend for Bon Iver. I can imagine this closing track being used in an eighties-esque movie — in a scene where two teenagers just lost their virginities to each other, then confess their love for each other . . . and there’s also a George Michael poster on the wall.

     Overall, this album is sweet, subdued, and earnestly emotional. It’s also stamped with Bon Iver’s signature electro-acoustic aesthetic. His voice seems to intertwine with the cool instrumentals and droning acoustics, offering a lovely addition to a low-key night in with your love. – HD

Worst album to have sex to:

A Crow Looked at Me by Mount Eerie

Unless you like crying before, during, and after sex, do not listen to this album for at least 12-hours pre- or post-coitus. Do not even remotely consider putting it on during sex. The first lyrics of the album are “death is real” and it doesn’t get any happier from there. This album comes from a place of sorrow, and will destroy any sexy time you have planned.

     A Crow Looked at Me is about the loss of Mount Eerie’s wife, after a battle with pancreatic cancer, and is incredibly real and painful — again, not the perfect album to set the mood. But, it is an album that is heartfelt and raw, and is definitely worth a listen if you can fight back the tears. – DD

Dark Horse by Nickelback

This album offers intensity that, if you are not prepared for it, will likely extinguish any sort of sexual tension between you and your partner. (With the proper preparations, maybe this album can be an exciting addition to your sexy times, but for me it makes me feel mostly stressed out and a little angry.)

While most of us like having passion in the bedroom, bringing this album into your sex life may inspire the type of passion required of someone participating in a riot. There is one track on the album titled “S.E.X.,” but do not be fooled; like the songs making up the rest of the album, this song is not sexy. Let me elaborate by quoting some of the lyrics: “‘no’ is a dirty word” and “sex is always the answer, it’s never a question.” Yikes. I hope I am correct in saying that education surrounding consent has truly come a long way since 2008. – HD