Why Saudi Arabia is the right choice to head UN Human Rights Council

Last month Saudi Arabia announced their bid to behead head the United Nations Human Rights Council, following the end of its current leader Germany’s term. Though some choose to label the move as outrageous due to the alleged “non-humanist conduct” practiced by the nation, there are always two sides to the stoning rock.

The council’s head regularly rotates through continents, the next being Asia. Saudi Arabia’s rivals for the running include Bangladesh, China, the United Arab Emirates, India, Indonesia, Japan, Kazakhstan, the Maldives, Pakistan, South Korea, Qatar, and Vietnam. (Unfortunately, fan-favourite North Korea was too busy maintaining their totally existent submarine missiles to participate.)

Though some may be skeptical of Saudi Arabia’s running, going so far as to describe it as “the final nail in the coffin for the credibility” of the HRC, I think this is a step in the right direction for the infamously complacent UN. For these naysayers, I have one piece of critical advice: don’t be so closed-minded.

Media outlets have pointed out the “irony” of Saudi Arabia announcing their bid just a few days after releasing job postings for eight new executioners. Though the media social justice warriors are quick to criticize, they really aren’t taking the time to understand the macro benefits of this announcement. Each executioner is a Saudi citizen who, as is permissible under the nation’s law, most likely has between one and four wives. By supplying an income to those wives’ husbands, it’s plausible that some of the money earned from the jobs will go towards supporting them. Are you against supporting Saudi women?

Saudi Arabia is simply more advanced than their fellow UN members at understanding the benefits of gender roles. Since women cannot handle the money, they don’t have to worry about their emotions and period blood getting in the way of managing expenditures. That’s how the fiscal safety-net of patriarchy works. It’s basic economics.

Looking back to my 10-year-old prime, I lament not fulfilling the universal female ambition of becoming a child-bride, instead having to settle for receiving an education, now stuck unmarried with my withering 21-year-old body. Thankfully, many Arab nations, including Saudi Arabia, actually understand women’s need to be looked after. The country has seen past the delusional wish-wash of democracy, instead giving power to a far more concise and straightforward method of governing: hereditary autocracy.

By avoiding citizen input in their legislation, Saudi Arabia has much less trivial bureaucratic trumpery to go through when implementing the nation’s law. While many h8ers call such traditions outdated and immoral, they fail to see the innate equality that is systemic within it. Saudi culture punishes women, children, sodomists, hedonists, sorcerers, and guys-that-just-look-at-you-funny alike. It does not discriminate against who it discriminates against. The UN’s mantra literally revolves around equality, therefore it is only fitting that the most equal nation lead the organization responsible for ensuring equality.

So for the appraisal of who should head the HMC, I’m putting my support behind Saudi Arabia. Their logical judgement and refutation of Western morals renders them clearly superior for making decisions on how to uphold worldwide justice. Personally, I’m thankful that Germany’s finally getting the boot — because, y’know, Nazis.