People are usually remembered either for great things they’ve done or great things they’ve said. Clever lines and thoughtful words are great to quote at a dinner party, but they are especially memorable and poignant when they are final words. Some just refuse to take death seriously, and keep on spouting witty phrases to their last breath.
So start considering your own epitaphs, because here are some of the most witty, clever and downright strange last words ever uttered.
Voltaire
“Now now, my good man, this is no time for making enemies.”
One of the absolute best and most ridiculously bold last phrases of all time. Voltaire (November 21, 1694 – May 30, 1778) was a prominent French Enlightenment thinker who was an outspoken advocate for free speech, freedom of religion, and the secularization of the state. His real name was Francois-Marie Arouet, but he used the pseudonym “Voltaire” when publishing all his works. He is famous for much of what he said throughout his life — “While I do not agree with what you say, I’ll defend to the death your right to say it” is just one of his many memorable phrases.
His last words are only fully appreciated in context. A critic of the Catholic Church all his life, on his deathbed he was asked by a priest to renounce Satan so that he might save his soul. His response is probably funnier now than it was then.
Aldous Huxley
“LSD, 100 micrograms, intramuscular.”
Aldous Huxley (July 26, 1894 – November 22, 1963) is probably best known for his dystopian novel Brave New World, but should also be appreciated for his many essays, short stories and other written works. He came from a family of intellectuals, including Thomas Henry Huxley, who was one of the first vocal advocates for Darwin’s theory of natural selection.
Aldous’s last words are understood better when considering his experiences with psychedelic drugs throughout his life. At the brink of losing a lengthy battle with cancer, his last request was to his wife, asking to be administered a dose of LSD. She agreed and injected him twice before he expired. Though I suppose his wit is not the defining element of this utterance, his priorities and sense of practicality in the face of oblivion shine through.
Groucho Marx
“Die, my dear doctor? Why, that’s the last thing I’ll do!”
Julius Henry Marx (October 2, 1890 – August 19, 1977) is better known by his nickname “Groucho” and even better known for his ridiculously exaggerated features, including a large nose, horn-rimmed glasses, bushy eyebrows and moustache. He found his calling as a vaudevillian and later as a Hollywood actor, starring in 26 movies and leaving us with more clever quotes than could ever be included in this article.
In a letter detailing his resignation from a prestigious club, he wrote, “I don’t care to be part of any club that accepts people like me as members.” That kind of levity and irony show up one last time in his final moments.
Oscar Wilde
“These curtains are killing me; one of us has got to go.”
Oscar Fingal O’Flahertie Wills Wilde (October 16, 1854 – November 30, 1900) was a Dublin born poet, playwright and author, not to mention a god of wit, comedy and satire. For plays like The Importance of Being Earnest and stories such as The Picture of Dorian Gray, he became famous.
He was incarcerated for two years for the crime of “gross indecency” with other men, and his career never recovered. But 100 years later, he’s chiefly remembered for what he said, be it the profound — “Experience is merely the name we give to our mistakes,” — or the downright confusing — “I can believe anything, provided it is quite incredible.” There is some dispute as to whether the lines above really were his last words. In my opinion it’s irrelevant; if he didn’t say that, then he probably said something equally memorable.
Dominique Bouhours
“I am about to — or I am going to — die: either expression is correct.”
This quote seems kind of obvious, but bear with me. Unlike many of the other names on this list, Dominique Bouhours (May 15, 1628 – May 17, 1702) isn’t exactly a household name. He has no great works that are still read today and to my knowledge he didn’t do anything extraordinary enough to put him in a history book. All in all, he was a relatively average French monk who spent his whole life in Paris.
Why, then, does he make the list? Well, our Bouhours is one of those otherwise inconspicuous people whose last words alone brought them fame. This final sentence seems somewhat lacking, until one learns that Dominique Bouhours was an eminent French grammarian, whose appreciation and respect for language was literally as important to him as life itself.
