Western society is captivated by “firsts,” because milestones are markers of healthy development and are celebrated as achievements. These accomplishments are the foundation for abilities to be later developed. For example, walking leads to mobility, and speaking leads to effective communication. If we recognize the importance of these “firsts,” why do we place such a stigma around the loss of one’s virginity?
Sex is an important part of being human. One’s first time is a step towards maturation and a foundation that will be built upon in future experiences. Sex plays a huge role in adult relationships and the furthering of the human race. For this reason, I disagree with the negative stigma surrounding it.
Sex, like one’s first words, leads to a refined ability in an area that is natural. There is nothing wrong with having sex; though there may be issues related to the safety, both physical and emotional, of those involved, the act itself is nothing to cast shame on.
Some of this shame results from our linguistic interpretation of virginity. We do not describe it as gaining something, or being a valuable or impactful experience. Instead, we term it as a “loss,” giving it the connotation of losing a part of ourselves in the process. Though the words themselves may not seem important, language influences how we see the world, and subsequently, how we perceive virginity.
By describing one’s first time as a loss, we leave room for stigma to sneak in. Loss is a transitive verb and requires two arguments: a subject and an object. In this case, it selects the person as a subject and the term “virginity” as the object. However, virginity is nothing more than a label, and this creates semantic ambiguity for varying interpretations. What do we lose when we lose our virginity? The answer becomes a fill-in-the-blank determined by societal norms.
We should prepare youth for intercourse by arming them with knowledge and resources of how to be safe. It makes more sense to guide adolescents in the right direction than to perpetuate the idea that having sex means losing something. I have never heard anyone describe a child’s first trip to the dentist as something to be ashamed of, and sex should be viewed the same way. Intercourse is something that happens to most people over the course of their life. It is not something bad or impure — it just is.
We accept the idea of a first legal drink as exciting and okay. This is a choice made in one’s ascent into adulthood. Sex should be the same. If a person is old enough to consciously make the decision and is past the age of sexual consent, why can we not respect this as a milestone free of stigma?
Parents sometimes allow younger teenagers a glass of wine at dinner to teach them moderation, hoping this will translate well in the future. If we recognize the value in opening dialogue as a proactive measure, we should also be able to see the value in educating about safe sex and consent before teenagers are put in situations that may lead to intercourse.
Partaking in healthy and rewarding sexual experiences is something every adult should experience. In losing the label of “virgin,” one gains valuable knowledge leading to future success in procreation =, enjoying oneself, and strengthening bonds with partners.
Virginity is not much of a loss, and is definitely not something that should be associated with shame. A first time, sexual or otherwise, is a step in the maturation progress and should be treated as such.
