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Friday, November 15, 2019

How to gracefully deal with your mortality

You are going to die. Yin and yang. Life and death.  You can’t have one without the other.  So, instead of bitching about it, here...

Secret SFU campus found beneath Burnaby Mountain exclusively for left-handed students

Construction workers were shocked late last week when they accidentally uncovered a hidden subterranean campus exclusively for left-handed students. This campus, named the SFU...

Totally accurate explanations for those noises you hear at night

By: Meghan Light Internal screaming I scream so much internally it’s probably given me tinnitus. Face it, you’re not going to meet any of your...

Things millenials have killed

In 2017, millennials were accused of killing basically everything. From diamonds, to marriage, to Hooters (wow, God forbid we would rather women not be...

Shitty Business Pitch: The Gargoyle Guys living gargoyles

By: Hannah Davis Shitty Business Pitch: Living Gargoyles We can all agree that gargoyles are timeless; there is absolutely no other way to describe them. Their...

Comedic Poetry: IKEA at midnight

Written by: Larissa Melville Forty minutes: The fuck is going on? All parts strewn, laid out like jigsaw pieces and captured in the tired eye of the...

The new Academic Paper Cruncher is out now! Get one while you can!

Written by: Jonathan Pabico Looking for that perfect drink to keep you sleep-deprived during the Fall Semester? Want a boost to get your brain going...

Thank you notes from the ungrateful

Written by: Simrin Purhar, Peak Associate Dear Student at the Booth in the Hall, Thanks for trying to sell me baked goods in-between classes, in an...

The Scroll to Summon an Academic Advisor

Written by: Dhruv Taware, Peak Associate Three scrolls for the professors under the sky, Seven for the ever-present construction workers in their halls of stone,...